Last week I took a pretty huge emotional blow. It was a right jab
straight to my heart which left me wondering how I ended up on the
floor. I’m sure I saw little yellow chirping birdies circling around
too.
Ever taken one of those kinds of hits?
Yeah. Thought so.
I’ve been riding the emotional rollercoaster – sadness, anger, worry,
forgiveness, back to sadness. I’m grieving a great loss. And I’m just now
coming out of the fog.
This time it’s been a little different because I’ve sensed something
new in my rollercoaster ride…JOY. It makes no sense. I am NOT joyful
over this.
It took me a little soul searching to put my finger on the new
emotion. It was certainly not happiness because my circumstances kind
of suck. I’m not happy about them. What I experienced was not a
by-product of the relief of closure. Joy and relief definitely aren’t
in the same emotional ballpark. Not happiness. Not relief. Not
indigestion.
Joy? Huh. Really?
As I unpacked the concept of suffering and joy existing on the same
rollercoaster ride, I realized that they are always interconnected in
the Bible. Rarely do you see the word joy without the concept of
suffering too.
“and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3a
I know this is going to sound really, really weird and probably
borders on certifiable, but the joy I’m experiencing in my suffering
just IS…there is no logical explanation for it. It feels like it’s springing from a well somewhere deep in my soul and I’m not cranking on the wheel to bring it up.
Okay, so that was really “out there”, but I have no other way to describe it.
So, in God’s economy you deposit suffering and you receive joyful
dividends. Deposit shame and receive grace. Worry and get courage.
Fear and get freedom.
I think I like these returns on my investments.
How about you? Any suffering, shame, worry, or fear burning a hole in your pocket?
