It’s been a long time since I wrote a post. I’ve missed writing. It’s been one of those weeks where my to-do list got too long and stuff that you care about has to fall off the plate. Ever had one of those weeks?
It’s good to be back…
I learned something about myself this week. It probably seems like a no-brainer to most people, but to me it was a fresh revelation. Are you ready?
I don’t like to accept help or blessings from anyone for fear of what it will cost me.
Lily and I were invited to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving. We had such a lovely time. The hosts were consummate servers and were constantly asking if they could help me do this, or can I bring you that, or would you like this? I found myself saying, “no” almost every time.
It puzzled me why I felt uncomfortable being served like that. I’m usually the one serving. I love to serve others and think nothing of it. But there I was, refusing to be served.
I realized I was raised in a pretty conditional environment. My folks gave freely. However, if I got out of line or disagreed or fell short of their expectations in some way, all that they gave was thrown in my face as proof of my obligation to them.
I learned quickly to depend on myself.
As an adult, I went completely in the other direction and gave too much too freely. I’ve received quite a few hard knocks from allowing others to take advantage of my generosity.
There is a thin line between giving unconditionally and setting appropriate boundaries. I am still learning where that line lies.
As I reflect on the impact my “fend for myself” philosophy, I realize I not only say “no thanks” to my friends and family, but in many ways say “no thanks” to God. Yeah – I know – that sounds really stupid when you say it out loud like that…
This morning, I find myself asking God to help me LEARN how to accept all the blessings He wants to pour out into my life. Maybe this is also why I tend to focus on what I don’t have and not on what I have (another lesson for another post).
Lord, help us all learn how to receive all that you want to freely give SO THAT we can freely give to others.
“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.” Matthew 10:8
