Crickets and Radical Faith
I’ve been praying for ten years for God to give me more of Him. I want to hear Him and know His will. I want more courage to respond to His will. I want the reality of Jesus in me to be evident to those around me. I ask for more and more and more…
I want radical faith – like that of Paul, Moses, Abraham, Peter. Faith like we see in the lives of Corrie Ten Boom, George Muller, Saint Teresa of Avila, and Horatio Spafford. I want that.
God has been faithful to respond to my prayers. Today I have much more faith, am hearing more clearly from Him, experience less fear, and have more peace than I knew was possible.
This morning I was praying about the little girl with the hole in her throat. I was thinking about all the ways God has used her story to soften my heart and heighten my awareness of the need for radical faith. I asked God to use my life to help those like her who are suffering. Again, I prayed for radical faith.
“Why do you want radical faith?” God asked.
(Silence with a few crickets chirping in the background…)
God exposed me. He exposed ugliness I didn’t even realize was there. Instantly, I knew the reasons why I have been ask for radical faith – in order of importance to me:
1. So people will like me.
2. So I can help people who are suffering (emphasis on “I”).
3. For the glory of Jesus.
In one fell swoop, God revealed I have all the right intentions with the wrong motivations.
The next logical thing would be to ask God to transform my heart and destroy the wrong motivations.
The next logical thing would be to ask God to transform my heart and destroy the wrong motivations.
(Crickets chirping…)
I know what it has taken for God to grow my faith over the last ten years; pain, suffering, and lots and lots of waiting. It was really hard. There has also been incredible peace, mounds of joy, and an ocean of love. Now, I’m considering giving permission to God to destroy all that is prideful and self-reliant in me. To completely and utterly die to self with nothing left for Teri to cling to except Jesus. I’m asking Him to consume my life and make it His.
“It is no longer I who lives but Christ in me….” (Galatians 2:20) And I’m pretty darn sure that’s gonna hurt.
I’m also sure there will be lots of miraculous glory too.
Is this really what I want? Or do I really just want to stop here in a somewhat comfort zone of faith? A zone that I still have a little control over. Where I can still claim (in my head at least) a little glory for myself. ‘Oh Teri, you are such a Godly woman!” ‘Yes, yes, thank you…and Praise God!”
Jesus had a little different answer when someone tried to call Him “Good teacher”.
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good-except God alone. Mark 10:18
(Crickets again…)
I sense this is my moment of decision for how the rest of my life plays out. This is the question which needs to be addressed in my heart before God will entrust radical faith to me. I can go no further in my spiritual walk until I answer these questions:
Do I want to give all the glory to Jesus? And am I willing to pay the price?
People of radical faith care much more about what others think of Jesus than anything else.
Am I still willing to ask for radical faith? Are you willing?
(Crickets…)
Lord, I’m asking you to give us the courage to answer that question. I ask that you help us not just walk away from it, but to actually battle within ourselves to answer it. Are we willing to receive radical faith, regardless what it costs us personally, SO THAT Jesus can be glorified in radical ways?
(Peaceful silence…)
I keep seeing the image of the little girl with the hole in her throat.
I think my answer is going to be yes…
Love the processing, hate the process.
you’re doing great, Teri. Keep pressing in.