Continued from the last post...
Frankly, this last
year has been a white-knuckle ride straight to the top of the
hill. It’s been slow enough to hear and feel every single chug of the
pulley as it propelled me forward. And I’ve spent almost the entire time
worrying and fretting about that inevitable fall. Chug…chug…chug…
You
cannot branch out into the unknown without
failing. You ask anyone who has succeeded in new ventures and they will
tell you they learned by the process of eliminating what didn’t work.
And I’ve had some epic
failures so far. The “what ifs” have
been my closest companion on this year’s journey. I’ve failed at being a good
team leader. I’ve failed miserably at balancing work and
life. I’ve failed at taking the reins that God gave me
and running with them. Rather, I stood
there loosely holding the reins and woefully blubbered
on about how inadequate I am to take them.
So, I’ve pitched over the
edge and experienced the frightening thrill of plunging down at breakneck
speed. You know what? The fall is still pretty terrifying; however
it isn’t nearly as bad as all the worrying, fretting, and prevention
control in anticipation of failing.
What’s even stranger is at
the bottom of the hill, I found myself actually enjoying the ride, despite
the failure. I’m much more eager for the
next hill and the next free fall.
Right now, I’m chugging up
the hill to the biggest drop yet. I know God is asking me to take the
plunge and live the Luke 10 lifestyle for the next season of life.
At first I was terrified, “surely
God wouldn’t ask me to do such a crazy thing. I was flooded with a series
of “WHAT IFs???” Chug…chug…chug…and the chicken stairs were
looking pretty good for a moment.
But the thrill of
the drop beacons me on. There are too
many things God wants to do through me despite my inadequacies – too many
broken and unrealized dreams lying dormant in people’s hearts – too much to do
to give in now.
I’m determined to
learn how to ride this thing with
my arms straight up in the air, screaming like a little girl
having the time of her life.
How do you want to ride?
I think you’re doing great. I don’t see a whole lot of other people trying to live the way Jesus taught us to live. You’re giving it a whirl and you’re being humble about how hard it is – that’s a gift to the rest of us.
Thanks Seth – your encouragement is always a blessing. It’s a really awesome journey out of the comfort zone and into more of Jesus.