Interruptions in the Quest
I got interrupted from the dream series. I even have all the posts drafted just sitting there waiting for me to edit and post them. But, life came and interrupted the groove.
My wee one has been sick. Coughing all night kind of sick. Mom is T*I*R*E*D! And, of course, the dreaded migraine knocked me to the mat yesterday. Out cold.
No synapses were firing off in my cognitive brain. However, I felt God whispering to me in my heart. He was asking me these questions…
How would I live if I wasn’t afraid of:
- dying?
- looking foolish?
- hurting people?
- getting hurt?
- being hurt?
- going without?
- doing it wrong?
- not doing everything I should?
- letting people down?
- completely unplugging from life for periods of time?
- being different enough to make people uncomfortable?
What if the only thing I was truly afraid of what not experiencing the fullness of the Lord?
Even in my catatonic state of pain, I realized God is asking once again if I want radical faith?
Being my age has one advantage that being 20 doesn’t, I understand what I will be leaving behind. I’ve spent 40 years being afraid of all those things listed above. I can totally do the cost-benefit analysis:
- I know what being afraid of those things has cost me these last 40 years.
- I completely understand what living without those fears might cost me in the next 40 years.
I’m in. R U In?
In my quest for “it”, I’m ready to proclaim that living with these fears is definitely NOT “it” and I no longer want to walk down any path that they are on.
I’m also ready to proclaim that I know myself well enough to say that I can’t make these fears go away by my own power. I need God to transform me and dash those fears away from me.
Which leads me to my last point…
My quest for “it” is not a quest for some thing, activity, event, vocation, or state of being. The quest for “it” is really a quest for “who”. And He often interrupts my quest to remind me.
